Tennessee Harold Ford officially announced Monday that he would abandon his bid to unseat the heavyweight Jr. Senator from New York, Kirsten Gillibrand. Obviously a relief for Senator Bimbette (D - Valley Girl) as well as the Democrat Party outside of the Ford family, Carpetbagger Harry announced, in an opinion piece set to be published in the New York Times on Tuesday: "If I run, the likely result would be a brutal and highly negative Democratic primary -- a primary where the winner emerges weakened and the Republican strengthened... I refuse to do anything that would help Republicans win a Senate seat in New York, and give the Senate majority to the Republicans."
One of the benefits of this decision is that Harold Ford is now free to chase blondes back home in comfortable surroundings, instead of having to find fresh associates to cover his tracks in a more cosmopolitan state. Also, he now has fifty...five (Is my math right, Mr Obama?) more states in which to launch fruitless flirtations as a wannabe Senator. Asked to comment about Ford's decision, Sen Gillibrand told anonymous, unnamed sources "Like, what a relief. Now I can focus 100% on New York voters, instead of having to run expensive ads against Harold in Tennessee, the state which knows him best... He is really cute, though. I even told Harry Reid that Mr. Ford is one of the good ones."