Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Female Dem Senators That May Go Bayh-Bayh

These 4 female (?) Democrat incumbents aren't cruising to re-election as easily as they had hoped. We have the latest.

1. Babs "The Polish Midget" Mikulski (D-MD)

Though generally perceived as safe, Senator Mikulski (D-MD) is polling only 54% in one of the bluest states in the country. Anonymous, unidentified sources have leaked that she may retire to pursue a career in Hollywood. We are unclear if this involves leading roles as the creepy matriarch villains or supporting roles as trolls in Disney or Lionsgate productions. But there's also the lucrative and growing sector of midget porn in the adult film sector. Knowing Babs and Dems in general, she may opt for an "all of the above" approach.

2. Blanche "Moderate If U Want Me 2 B" Lincoln (D-AR)

Senator Blanche "Moderate, J/K!" Lincoln (D-AR)'s seat is a likely Republican pickup as her job approvals are consistently in the 20's. She is also losing handily in hypothetical matchups against unknown Republicans. Ouch! After successfully alienating more coalitions than any other politician in recent history (does she get an award for this?), she faces a nasty primary challenge from Bill Halter (on the left) that may leave that scarf of hers bloody and tattered even before facing the Republican nominee.

Coming attractions: Long, wordy, substance-light campaign speeches/debates (complete with redneck drawl and huntin' gear, for street cred).

3. Barbara "Call Me Senator" Boxer (D-CA)

Though third-term Barbara Boxer (D-CA) worked very hard for her "Senator" title, she better be worried about even having a job next year. (We know how Democrats do in the private sector) Despite consistently looking busy on her computer but is actually playing Solitaire and Hearts, Barbara's been busted one too many times. Her support (in recent polling against a slew of weak Republican candidates) is hovering in the mid-40's. Boxer seems to be spelt "L-A-Y-O-F-F" these days.

4. Soccer Mom Patrick Murray (D-WA)

There's a nasty stench coming from Senator Patty Murray (D-Tennis Court). No, it's not just the athlete's foot coming from her grimy tennis shoes (same ones from her first campaign) It's 43% approval numbers, and consistent polling (against unknown Republican potentials) in the 40's. But let's look on the bright side. There are bake sales and carpools that will keep her busy in 2011.



Anonymous said...

Dam! Democrat chicks are nasty

Anonymous said...

i'd hit babs mikulski... for a million bucks

Anonymous said...

Sorry, my penis ain't worth a million bucks & the memory of being inside Babs.

Excuse me while I take a (hot) shower now.

Anonymous said...

the bigger question is: which of these "female" dem senators have penises? my vote is all 4